Today's thoughts...

Please pardon my lack of plotting skills.  I love to write, however I am not very good at it. Please bear with me... I know this is all scatterbrained, but the truth is I AM scatterbrained.


My whole life I have struggled with frustration, lack of care and emotions, anger, selfishness and laziness.  

Why this has come on so heavily and is so hard to overcome? 

It is because the enemy knows me like the back of his hand and will do anything to destroy me and take my eyes off of Jesus and the enemy is VERY diligent.
 The Word says 

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" (1 Cor 10:13)

 So, that leaves it to making sure that I remain to have faith in the Lord at  ALL times.  However, something here recently has helped me keep that little bit of faith, is a word that a brother of ours said. 
 He came to me saying he had a word from the Lord for me. My mind came to a screeching halt.  


For quite some time now I have been terrified of receiving something false that would injure my relationship with the Lord.  And this has definitely been a time of testing and being in dry and barren places in my life and I have struggled so much to even hear the Lord's voice. I know that He is always there.  Therefore I know that I have done something to put a barrier between us.  As we all are so very good at.  With all this in mind with the places I have been with the Lord I don't, by any means, want to take just anything any one says knowing that God is the only perfect one, and that men have flaws. 


 I still don't know why the Lord has let this test come upon me this past year, but I know that there will be times of refreshing.  It's hard for me to view the Lord as a merciful, loving God.  I feel as though I'm just waiting for God to say "Depart from me, I never knew you.  You worker of iniquity," because I "just can't get it right".  I know, mentally, that the Lord is merciful and the enemy is trying to discourage me by using the Bible and twisting it to make me beat down on myself. Truthfully sometimes it is very hard to distinguish the Lord's voice from the enemy's.  


Ezekiel 18:23 says 

"Do you think I like to see wicked people die?" Says the sovereign Lord." Of course not!! I want them to turn from their evil way and live."  

Brandon is constantly on my case (thank you Brandon) about downing myself, hating myself, and thinking the the Lord wont accept me. I am very grateful for it my hubby's persistence.  I would be in a much worse place with out him pushing me.


The point of all this is to state where I am currently... 


Statement: 


I am tired and worn out.  I can't rely on myself.  I can only rely on the Lord's faithfulness.  Though the world may teeter and totter and I may as well, our God is an EVERLASTING God who does not grow weary.  I must abide in the vine.... Ok, Sarah, abide in the vine. Abide in the vine.  So hard... Lord help me.


Until we meet again,
Sarah